I made a homemade pasta sauce that day.

My husband, my two daughters and myself would be eating together that night.

It's the night before my big meeting with Mount Sinai hospital. This is the meeting where I will learn whether there is hope or hopelessness. Where I learn whether I will live or die.

Everyone is seated at the table. I'm serving up the bowls of pasta. Cheese is on the table. We prefer Romano cheese because it's a bit saltier than parmigiano.

My eldest loves cheese on her pasta. She loves all cheeses full stop!

She reaches over to put some more cheese on her pasta. Her father says "maybe you shouldn't put more on as you've had a sore tummy the last few days". She says "Dad, I can't have mom's pasta without cheese!" and he responds with "I hope you get really sick" and she responds with "really dad" and then before your know it, the "fuck you's" are flying across the table.

My youngest and I look at each other in disbelief.

My husband pushes his chair from the table and shouts "I can't eat with you fuckers".

He leaves the table and makes his way into the basement.

My eldest daughter is distraught. "I'm so sorry Mom, but I can't stay here tonight."

I understand completely. I don't want to stay here tonight.

She finishes her bowl of pasta. She packs some clothes and heads over to a friend's house.

After she leaves my husband decides to come up and blame me for what happened at the table and for what has happened throughout our marriage. It's all my fault.

It's in that moment that I determine that if the doctor's give me any sign of hope. Hope of recovery from my stage 4 cancer diagnosis, that I will leave my husband, my marriage.

The following day, I was given hope. I was a candidate for life saving surgery. I was determined to make myself a priority.

That dinner happened on April 2nd (2019) and on Monday, April 22nd I had secured a rental condo that I would move into on May 1st. Our home sold in July. I had life saving surgery on September 3, 2019. I have not looked back since.

My diary entry on Tuesday, April 11, 2019 - the night before my wedding anniversary was:

My focus will now be on me and my speedy recovery.
I'm leaving negativity behind.
I'm open to the abundance and opportunity in my future.
I feel the blessings in my life and I am completely full of gratitude.