And because I absolutely over think everything, I just want to make clear...
That I do not think that eating healthier and exercise were the cure to my cancer...they were however the only things I had control over and I needed some sense of control big time.
I do think that eating healthy and that getting in exercise is good for you though and if you do get sick, it can possibly give you an advantage, although sadly, not always.
yes I was grateful - but I chose the word and emotion - "Happy" because Happy seems upbeat...smiley...like I'm dancing --- had I said " I'm grateful" that can sound more solemn and I was really feeling upbeat...like when you want to dance your ass off...that was me. Happy!! I mean this 56 yr old woman just ran up those steps...
Saying yes to life and putting myself out there...well life is too short not to.
Survivor's guilt is something I feel mostly when I'm in an environment where there are other cancer patients receiving care and I can see that they are having a hard time of it. Or like the other day, when I feel healthier now than before the cancer or when I see people struggling with any health issue. Or when I was made aware that someone is on a waiting list for the same surgery as me, but because of COVID has been placed on a wait list and she has a young family and needs this surgery as desperately as I did. But please know that it's not guilt that motivated me to create "The Lizzie Experience". That was motivated by self exploration and a deep desire to provide hope, inspiration and motivation. Fueled by love.
Do I still feel fear...yes, everyday. Fear that the rug will be pulled out from under me. However, that fear is now tempered with , even if the cancer returned, I'm living my best life and I have learnt some very valuable lessons in this lifetime. I want to continue to learn, live and love for many, many years. If I'm blessed with time I will continue this amazing journey with reverence and love in my heart. Everyone dies...timelines are insignificant...it's how we use our time that matters.
Am I prepared to go if that be the case? Yes I am. Do I want that? No! I'm enjoying this ride way too much!
And I don't think I'm the most gifted writer or the most natural on video, however, I want to share my story, my experience and create community. I think my thoughts are translated into the written word well enough that the meaning is understood. As the thoughts come out of my head, I'm typing them out and the process feels great. It's the same with the short videos, I have a thought and start recording. I'm enjoying this!
Lastly, until my illness, I kept a lot of things bottled up inside. I didn't share my feelings that easily...nor did I explore them. Now I'm like an open book. I share because I learn from others and by my sharing, it makes others comfortable. Not alone. They open up too. It's a win/win. I've met some incredible people on this journey and deepened some of my existing relationships.
Grateful is something I am everyday. Humbled. Full of love in my heart.