I was home from the hospital. It's Sept.2019. The Dr's sent me home with three drainage tubes still attached to my abdomen. Each tube was attached to a bag. I was literally pinning these drainage bags to the inside of loose yoga pants. It was awful, but entirely necessary and part of the healing process.
Twice daily I would drain the bags myself and measure the contents and report the levels to the nurses who would check in by phone. I couldn't wait for those things to be removed. I felt so gross and they reminded me that I was sick. I didn't feel like going out for walks looking like that. So I did my best to keep busy around the condo and to keep my spirits up. I did exercises and made sure I had company to keep me occupied.
I would concentrate on my future and visualize what that might look like. I still had so much I wanted to accomplish - to do!
At this point, I had been separated from my husband for four months. Our marriage had been bleak for many years. I was on my own, feeling a bit lonely and scared but yet so hopeful for my future and what I would make it.
On one of those days, when I was feeling particularly sad and unattractive (partly because it was so hard to take a shower with over 65 staples and three drainage tubes), I pulled out my laptop and started to surf. But soon my surfing became focused and deliberate.
I started to think about how I wanted to be in a relationship. And would that, could that, happen for me?
My answer was yes. It was a clear yes. I could be in a relationship. That could happen for me. And I wanted it! Still do.
And so, I went online and purchased myself the most pretty, fuscia baby doll. I didn't question what I was doing, I just did. When it arrived, I didn't even try it on. I hung it up, knowing it was there for when it would be needed. I was going to wear that baby doll in the not too distant future. I just knew it.
And so I got on with the business of getting myself well. Becoming healthy, vibrant and happy!
In August 2021, I took a road trip and wore that negligee while staying in a suite at The Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City. (see previous blogs for story: "It's About the Journey Darling, not the Destination" and "so I've been dumped")
It was epic.
I envisioned myself wearing that lingerie, months earlier, when visualizing something like that happening to me, seemed so out of reach. Impossible. Silly.
But I knew what I wanted and that negligee was symbolic of me getting better and starting my new life!
There's a lesson here:
Don't let your present circumstance dictate your future. You've got the ability to rewrite your script. Live into your dreams. Live your hopes and dreams. Give yourself permission to believe in the impossible. Take action to make those hopes and dreams a reality.
I'm taking action and using these principles to bring even more of my dreams to fruition. I've got entrepreneurial ambitions and I'm living into those too...stay tuned!