When Your Body Remembers Before You Do
This week I learned something important about myself: I think I'm afraid of hospitals now.

On Tuesday, I went to occupational therapy at Oakville Trafalgar Hospital for my step-up program. On the surface, everything was fine. The staff were kind. The environment was calm.
But my body didn't feel calm.

Before I even left the house, my heart was racing. My hands were trembling. When I got there, I felt weepy — fragile.

I believe I was having a trauma response.
A trauma response is what happens when your nervous system reacts to perceived danger based on past experience — even if you are safe in the present moment. Your body goes into protection mode. It remembers what your mind is trying to forget.

Hospitals have not been neutral spaces for me lately. They've been the setting where the rug was pulled out from under me more than once.

So even if the visit is "routine," my body hears something else.
It hears: Be careful. Something bad could happen here.
That's trauma.

The Difference a Few Days Can Make
Today was outpatient physiotherapy.
And it was different.
This week I've been intentional about calming my nervous system. Meditation. Affirmations. Guided imagery. Insight Timer in the mornings. Centering myself before walking out the door.
Was that the difference?
Maybe.
But what I know for sure is this: I felt steadier.

I also did something new today.
I took Care-A-Van — transportation for persons with disabilities.
I won't pretend there wasn't a flicker of embarrassment. There was. A big bus pulling up to my condo. The beeping sounds.
The awareness that this is my current reality.
The truth is: it's also a gift.
It gave me independence. It got me to therapy. It brought me home safely.

Sometimes healing requires accepting support without shrinking yourself.

Parallel Bars and Parallel Growth
Today in physio I walked between the parallel bars — one foot directly in front of the other, walking backwards. No hands.
Balance. Control. Trust.

I am walking well now. That isn't the issue.
The issue is confidence. The quiet fear of "what if." The hesitancy that lives in the nervous system after something big has happened.

But today, I felt stronger.
The physiotherapist and occupational therapist that I work with there are remarkable. They listen. Truly listen. They make you feel capable. They treat you like a whole person — not a diagnosis.
And you walk out feeling like you can conquer something.
Maybe not everything.
But something.
Healing Is Not Linear
Tuesday, I cried.
Friday, I smiled.
Both are part of recovery.
I am changed by what I've been through. That's undeniable.
But I am also coming back to myself — slowly, intentionally, bravely.
And if this week taught me anything, it's this:
Your body may remember fear.
But it can also learn safety again.

Resilience in Action
Emotional self-awareness + nervous system regulation.
Noticing the trauma response instead of judging it.
Using tools (meditation, guided imagery, affirmations) to create a new experience.

That's rebuilding.

Rebuild with Lizzie 💗